Older and Better with Shelly

  When you’re a kid, a bed is something you don’t want to be in. Except to sleep late on weekends. As you get older your bed becomes more of a friend. Sometimes better than your real friends. Recently we got a new mattress. The salespeople talked us in to purchasing one that does everything but take out the trash. It came with an electronic base and a remote that helped raise and lower it.   Plus, lots of other features. What they didn’t tell us was the noise it would make during the middle of the night or a light that would come on underneath and wouldn’t turn off. And that was just the beginning. Its favorite trick was to turn on a vibrating massage motor that we couldn’t get off. Who in the hell wants a vibrator when you’re trying to sleep, don’t get nasty now. The other issue was the mattress itself. It sat high. Real high. I could not get in or out of it without the help of a stool. It forced me to sleep on the end so I could find my way down. I did try to maneuver t