Older and Better with Shelly

Since most of the people that read my blog are known by the dreaded word “boomers” I thought I would get the word out to speak for us. I always thought baby boomers were special. We were going to change the world. And we did for the better. Our music was the best, our clothing was great. We knew how to have fun. We were never going to get old. For a long time I said boomers rule. Well the unbelievable thing happened, we actually somehow got old. I never use that word “old”. In fact, for over 20 years the AARP has been trying to get me to join but I won’t. Why would I want to admit to being old. Old is a state of mind if you ask me. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want to, within reason as you age. So a few weeks ago I read about a phrase called OK Boomer and it was derogatory. Well that got my boomer rage up. So of course I googled it. Isn’t that what you do every day about something you don’t know? Well I got more pissed as I read it. It seems the kids ...

I read a lot. I am a valuable source of useless information. It’s a dirty job but somebody has to do it. Well I noticed an article I just read about dead butt syndrome. That’s a new one for me. Apparently it’s a real thing and hundreds of Americans suffer from it. It comes from sitting on your butt all the time. I wish I knew about this when I was raising my kids. That may have scared them more than telling them if they don’t eat their vegetables they will get into trouble because there are kids starving in China. If I could have told my kids... If you don't get off your butt and do something your butt could be frozen! Now that could scare a kid. It even scares me. What about all these kids who incessantly play games on their phone. I’ve heard of kids going to parties and sitting next to each other all while still transfixed on their phones. We’re raising a generation of kids that do not know how to engage in conversation with each other. ...

So our beloved cockatiel died a few months ago at age 26. In the words of my son, our bird had a good West County life. However, my husband began missing his little friend. He was the only one in the house that actually listened to him and talked back. We have three cats so we really weren’t planning on acquiring another two-winged friend. But the house was so quiet. We missed his chirping.   Our bird was always happy to see us.   He loved it when we came home from shopping or dinner with friends. He could hear us pulling into the driveway and would start chirping before we even got our car into the garage. Unlike our kids, he always was welcoming to his parents. We enjoyed him so much that we decided to get another one, a cockatiel. So we decided to visit a pet shop. A friend had given us our first bird, so going through a pet store would be a whole new experience. After doing some research we found a shop that sold all sorts of birds. They...

New Yorkers just don’t get us. Hey New York if it makes it here it’ll make it anywhere. St. Louis is the city of discriminating taste. And proud of it. We don’t need the rest of the country to tell us how to eat our bagels. Like my mom used to say, it all goes down to the same place. Who cares what it looks like when you’re eating it? I can’t believe those snobby New Yorkers who get insulted because we have the nerve to like our bagels sliced like bread. Nobody’s holding a gun to their head. Oh wait let’s not say gun. How about a bagel slicer. At least New York knows where St. Louis is. We used to be flyover country. We may still be stuck in the middle but we’re having a good time, right here in the ‘Lou. If you’ve never been here you’re missing out, too bad! We actually have nice people in the Gateway City who are not quite so opinionated. Present company excluded. I guess New Yorkers like to wolf their bagels down and get fat. Their problem. T...

I always knew that my generation was special. Even before the word “Boomer” was in my vocabulary. I remember seeing my little old grandmother, who probably wasn't that old but looked ancient to me, walking around in those old lady dresses. She also had those high top black lace shoes. I made up my mind right then and there that when I got old, I would walk barefooted before I wore those shoes. Funny how those born in the ‘40s and ‘50s all wanted to be a little bit different. Looking back, what really defined our generation was the music. It broke the mold of the old fashion ballads of yesteryear. With our music came dance and plenty of it. It seems like there was a new dance almost monthly. And new music to go with it. In my teen mind it was very important to keep up with the dance trends and learn how to do them all. Besides the Jitterbug, which was our staple, we had the Twist, the Stroll and many others. Life was so much simpler back then. On...

Where did you go to high school? I did not realize that question was a coined phrase seemingly originating and owned by St. Louisans. Growing up we all pretty much stayed in our neighborhoods, shopped in our neighborhoods and had friends in our neighborhood. Transportation wasn't easy back then and not everyone had a car. You wanted to live in the area where both your family and your school were close by. Back in the day St. Louis had its own geographic divisions separated by wealth and religion. Certain religions, and certain races, were not allowed to live in some areas. Was it fair, no, could we do anything about it at the time, not much. The area was separated by those that went to private school, the very wealthy, or were Catholic. That was that. So when you met somebody from St. Louis and you asked where they went to high school that immediately told you the financial status of their family and maybe their religion. I never looked on...

I'm not a big shopper, never have been. When I was a kid my Mom used to run to the store and buy stuff. Then, the next day, she would return it. I made a promise at a young age that I would not follow in her footsteps. When I bought something it wasn't getting returned unless there was a very good reason. Fast forward years later and along comes the mall. It was a wonderful place for people to meet, take walks, eat out and go to the movies. In cold-weather states it was great. You would park and go in, and you could be entertained for the day. Or, in the heat of summer, you could stay cool. You might just get a cup of coffee, wander around, and meet your friends. I went to my neighborhood mall today. I hadn't been in a few months. The big major department store that has been there for maybe 30 years, or more, was empty. I never thought that I would be so sad. I walked around and all of these sales people were running after me trying to help me. I'm ...

Another Thanksgiving. Almost every Thanksgiving that we host has an issue of an unfortunate incident. One year, when the kids were little, and we were in a small apartment, we had a long table in the living room and dining room combo. One of the kids, I forget which one, decided to throw up on the carpet where the table would go. The smell was horrible and intense. Guests would be arriving in a few hours. Now I have to say apartment carpeting isn't the best to begin with. Forty years ago we didn't happen to own a shampooer. Need I say more? We scrubbed and put everything known to man on that carpet to get rid of that awful smell. We finally settled on a throw rug and proceeded to set-up the table over it. Onto the next Thanksgiving crisis. How about the kitchen sink being clogged the day of holiday? The water was so high it was about to start spilling over onto the floor in the kitchen.  Did you ever try to get a plumber out on Thanksgiving before...

Have you ever noticed this world has become one giant spice? For several years I've been seeing jalapeño everything. Now this past year everything is Sriracha! A few years ago we were at a fair where they sold homemade jams and jellies. For the life of me I could not find one jelly or jam that was normal. How about jalapeño, lemon pepper, red pepper flakes and hot pepper jams and jellies! Not one normal jelly in the bunch. Normal barbecue sauce. What's that? We have Sriracha barbecue sauce, honey barbecue sauce, hot and spicy barbecue sauce, and vinegar barbecue sauce. How about a normal potato chip? We have salt and vinegar potato chips. Who in their right mind wants to eat that? Then there's ranch potato chips, barbecue potato chips, hot and spicy potato chips, and crunchy chips. All potato chips are crunchy what's that about? Potato chips are wonderful all by themselves even without salt. Did you know that they have barbecue sauce ranch...

An old cat lady, me? Nah! My mother told me cats were nasty animals that they were dirty and they scratched people. I had that fear my whole childhood… and beyond. When my kids were young, and we lived in an apartment, they begged me for a pet. Our bird had died and a lot of the people in the apartments had cats because they were inside animals. Dogs were not allowed. We were offered a baby cat when the kids were little, and we adopted her. We named her Sugar and she was a sweetheart, at least in the beginning. I figured I wouldn't get attached to this thing because my mother made me scared to death of them. I thought I could feed her and she would be the kids pet. Well I learned very quickly that you don't adopt a cat, they adopt you. And the more you don't like them the more they want you. Sugar became my cat very quickly. She slept with me, she followed me around, and, if anybody got to close to me, she growled and whacked them. Before lo...

It seems that we have a once in a lifetime astronomy event… every so often. Always hearing about the stars being close to the moon and the moon being close to the sun blah blah blah blah. The event coming up soon has more people excited than when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. It's been 99 years since we have had a totality eclipse. I hate to say this but I actually learned a new word. I had no idea what totality meant, but I do now. They are even selling t-shirts with “totality” on it. We have the man in the moon, Moon over Miami, Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk, and we tell our grandkids we love them to the moon and back! It's almost as exciting in St. Louis as when the Cardinals last won the World Series. There has been a run on porta potties. If you waste too much time in one of those you'll miss the whole two minute deal. Better bring your own toilet paper just in case. Highways will be jammed, cell phone usage will be limited. Bring y...

I am calling for a text free weekend. No not a tax free weekend, like we have now, but going two days totally “text free”. Do you think we could survive a whole weekend without texting? My grandchildren would have to be admitted to the hospital for having a nervous breakdown. My son would be following right in their footsteps. So… walking down the street you could actually look at people as they walk by instead of bumping into them. Remember those days? Can you imagine going to a restaurant and seeing people actually talking?  Could they have a conversation for an hour without pulling out their phone? Heaven forbid. Some of the biggest text abuse occurs while waiting in line to give your order at a coffee shop. Ever have to wait for somebody in front of you to finish their texting so they can give the waitress their order? Many slow down the check out in the grocery line by finishing their texting before they place their goods on the conve...

Have you noticed that the world has become a big drive-thru? They took away the best part of summer the DRIVE-IN. There you could eat, talk and have no one tell you to shush. And you did not have to pay $8.00 for a bag of popcorn. And $5.00 or more for a soda. There should be a law against that. At the drive-in you could slouch, sleep, and take the kids, for free. So meanwhile you can drive through the bank, McDonald's, and Starbucks.  I think in California they even have drive-thru church services. Maybe have drive-thru funerals. How do you get a body through the window? Who dresses it? Ugh, let's change the subject. So at these drive-thru places you are at the mercy of the order taker. How many times have you gotten the wrong stuff? It's hard to check the bag when there are people honking behind you. And what if you cannot find your credit card or the right bills? People behind you have killed for less. How about the stores that make...