Older and Better with Shelly

  There’s a new buzz around town and it’s not involving crime, baseball or politics. They’re called cicadas. They arrive every 17 years. I’m of that age that this will probably be my last visit with them. Cicadas are everywhere and people are constantly talking about them. You can hear them, you can see them, and if they land on you, they’ll make this irritating popping sound. I don’t like them. They’re disgusting. My husband knows when he buys my coffin that it has to be cicada proof. I will never lie in peace if I know my body is crept on by those things. Since they’ve arrived, I have not been outside much. I prefer to jump straight into my car in the garage, open the door and take off. I made the mistake of going out to the garden the other day. One of those irritants had the nerve to jump onto my clean hair. When I flipped it off it made that awful pop noise. My head hasn’t stopped itching since and it was salon clean hair. I told my husband Steve that I think t...

Has everyone had enough of election politics yet? Tired of watching the back-to-back-to-back commercials running endlessly on television? The only one profiting from all of this are the TV networks and stations. I guess I’m living in a dream world but wouldn’t it be nice if all the millions of dollars spent on TV propaganda was actually used to help feed poor kids, or fix our streets, our bridges and aging infrastructure? If they don’t reach you through the media they will get you by phone. Our phones have been ringing from pollsters and the election machine constantly all day and all night. I have to turn my cell and house phones off just to get some work done. I don’t know about you but I’d love to be able to turn on the news and hear actual news. All this election hype does is rile up the crazies out there, of which we have plenty! What happened to all the presidents that said we were going to have election reform? It has gone by the wayside with ...

Have you ever noticed this world has become one giant spice? For several years I've been seeing jalapeño everything. Now this past year everything is Sriracha! A few years ago we were at a fair where they sold homemade jams and jellies. For the life of me I could not find one jelly or jam that was normal. How about jalapeño, lemon pepper, red pepper flakes and hot pepper jams and jellies! Not one normal jelly in the bunch. Normal barbecue sauce. What's that? We have Sriracha barbecue sauce, honey barbecue sauce, hot and spicy barbecue sauce, and vinegar barbecue sauce. How about a normal potato chip? We have salt and vinegar potato chips. Who in their right mind wants to eat that? Then there's ranch potato chips, barbecue potato chips, hot and spicy potato chips, and crunchy chips. All potato chips are crunchy what's that about? Potato chips are wonderful all by themselves even without salt. Did you know that they have barbecue sauce ranch...

It seems that we have a once in a lifetime astronomy event… every so often. Always hearing about the stars being close to the moon and the moon being close to the sun blah blah blah blah. The event coming up soon has more people excited than when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. It's been 99 years since we have had a totality eclipse. I hate to say this but I actually learned a new word. I had no idea what totality meant, but I do now. They are even selling t-shirts with “totality” on it. We have the man in the moon, Moon over Miami, Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk, and we tell our grandkids we love them to the moon and back! It's almost as exciting in St. Louis as when the Cardinals last won the World Series. There has been a run on porta potties. If you waste too much time in one of those you'll miss the whole two minute deal. Better bring your own toilet paper just in case. Highways will be jammed, cell phone usage will be limited. Bring y...