Older and Better with Shelly

This run on toilet paper is a real pain in the butt. Not too long we almost ran out of toilet paper. I was hysterical. As the only female in the house it was a definite necessity. I now have one of those large toilet paper holders in my bathroom. It can hold six double large rolls. No flimsy stuff allowed, you have to use half a roll at a seating if you know what I mean. My sensitive skin is another issue. I don’t want the stuff that feels like sandpaper. I guess I am a princess, a toilet paper princess if you will. Believe me I’ve been called worse. As Americans toilet paper is one of our most essential items besides heating and air conditioning. Oh, and I guess food. These idiots that are hoarding toilet paper have probably bought enough for their lifetime, and for everybody else in their neighborhood. What are they thinking? So while I’m writing this I guess we should just pass judgement whether the toilet paper should be over the top or under t...

So you kids think this Coronavirus is the “Boomer Remover”? This is not a joke. Listen you little snotty nose rug rats. Who do you think wiped your butt when you pooped in your pants and your parents were busy? Who gave you money every time you were short or even when you weren’t just because we loved you? Who gave you money for your first car, your first bike, your first anything? We didn’t have any of those things. We wouldn’t even think about asking for those things when we were kids. Think about all the money we’ve given you towards those ridiculous video games that you keep buying like their popcorn. We spend good money on them and you discard or lose them within days or weeks. So little "poopers" did you get the message yet? The boomers are not going anywhere. We taught your parents most everything they know and gave them the opportunity for a good education so they could raise you little killjoys. You blame us for the environme...

Now that the Coronavirus has hit the US, federal agencies have provided a list of all the necessities you need to have in case of a quarantine or a shut-in scenario. Not to make light of the situation, but I put together my own list of what really is a necessity. First is coffee and the accoutrements. Think of how crabby we will all be shut in with our immediate loved ones without coffee. That could lead to brutality. Second, make sure TV and cable actually work. All plug-ins need to be in working order. Have a stash of DVDs on-hand.   Do they even make those anymore?   You can watch them if you get totally bored. Now every time we have a calamity we have hundreds if not thousands of babies born nine months later. Thinking ahead, if you don’t want to add to your family I don’t need to tell you what to do about it. Keep books, books and more books nearby. If you have to entertain yourself TV will get tiring after a couple hours per day. Reading...