Tired of Being Faked Out

Well somewhere in the last election cycle, not mentioning any names, the term Fake News evolved.

This is not a political column so I will not speak on that subject. There’s much to be said but I am refraining myself.

So now when a newspaper or television station prints or says something not to the liking of a political candidate they call it “Fake News”.

Fake News has been around for centuries. When I was at the supermarket last week waiting in the check-out line there were lots of different magazines on the rack. Side-by-side one magazine said that Brad and Angelina called off their divorce. The magazine next to it said Brad was engaged to someone else. Who reads this stuff and who believes it anyway?

This is really Fake News.  I can see the children of today telling their folks when they get into trouble at school it's Fake News.

I wonder if Fake News will be considered a form of defense in a court of law. I'll have to research that one and get back to you.

My grandson, smarter than most people I know, told me two years ago that my soy bacon was “fake bacon”. He knew something was fishy right away.

That kid is going to go far in this world.

Let's see we have fake food and lots of it. Cheese, chips not made from potatoes, and boxed food. What about Tang the drink of the astronauts? I don't even know what's in that. What about all the food the astronauts eat that come in a tube? Is that real or just fake flavors that have been developed in a laboratory.  I have seen fake turkey and tasted it once! Nasty stuff! Yuk...

I saw a news report the other day where a reporter was visiting a laboratory and they were putting together all sorts of fake flavors to inject into foods and candy. I don't want fake anything in my food. I guess the ads for fake food are fake too.

How about those fake babies they have for little girls. They make noise, they wet, they cry, but bottom line they are fake.

They have blow-up dolls for men and women to keep them company. Don't want to think what these people are going to do with their fake companions, this is a clean column.

How about all the fake Elvis’. They are truly weird. They have ugly ones, they have fat ones, and skinny ones. I didn't care for the real one that much so the fake ones don't do anything for me. I remember back in the day when the girls used to scream and cry for him. I thought they were all fake.

My dear cousin, who is not a gardener and doesn't have time anyway, has fake flowers in the front of her house. People walk by all the time and tell her how pretty her flowers are.

She has something going there, she doesn't have to weed. In the fall she just pulls them up, dusts them off and recycles them again for next year.

I would pay top dollar for a fake scale. Who invented the scale anyway? Who wants an apparatus that when you get on it in the morning depresses you before you even start your day? Who needs that? And did you ever notice the scale in your doctor’s office is off 5 to 10 pounds from your home scale?

I can't believe your clothes and shoes add five or 10 pounds worth of weight. I think there's a conspiracy among the doctors to make you feel guilty about your weight so they have made their scales fake to try to whip you into shape.

I'm waiting for some fake clothes to come out. I can't wait to see what they look like. Of course if they make you look thinner, and taller, and younger I'll be the first in line.