A Boomer's Lobster Tale

Now before people come to my home and threaten me, or worse burn it down, I want a disclaimer here.

I believe everyone has a right to their own beliefs. Religion, sexual preference, to eat meat or not to eat meat. It’s nobody but nobody’s business unless somebody is getting hurt.

I love animals. It makes me crazy to think of how many animals are euthanized every year because people don’t get their animals spayed or neutered. I hate to hear people talk about the deer overpopulation.

When I see news about people going big game hunting I always pray for them to get eaten by whatever they’re going after. So now I’m going to state my case.

PETA wants a monument erected for a lot of lobsters killed in a truck accident. I had to read this three times because I thought for sure it was a joke.

Now I have to say I could never take a lobster and throw it in a pot of boiling water. I’ve heard people say what happens and it’s an ugly thing. That being said, if this isn't the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of in my life then I do not know what is.

Let’s consider the millions of bees who have died. They were just trying to do their thing and got

poisoned by all the environmental stuff out there. Those bees are a very important part of the food chain. If anybody deserves a monument it’s them.

And let’s not forget about the millions of fish that were washed up with the red tide in Florida. They should have a monument too.

I guess I should build 1000 monuments inside my house to represent all the damn pesky flies I’ve killed over the years. Not to mention the few mice that my cats took care of for us.

You have to give it to those cats. They know their job description and they’re good at it. I may have to build a monument to them on the front lawn for keeping our home safe and sound. These cats even chase the flies in the house. They keep me from having to run around and slam those pesky things with the flyswatter.

We even know someone whose cat killed a bat in their house, bats can carry rabies you know. That cat deserves a huge monument. He saved the family, not to mention the stress of having a bat flying around their home. That could give an old person a heart attack.

Now I want to talk about those pesky gnats. They like to take a ride on the fruit in the summertime. I have no idea what to say about those darn things.

One time, years ago, we were in the process of moving. We needed to pack and got some banana boxes from the grocery store. You probably know what I’m already going to say, right? Don’t ever get banana boxes to put anything in unless you want to have a nervous breakdown. End of that story.

Speaking of deceased creatures, how about the countless roadkill we see? Those animals were just trying to cross the street. They didn’t know they were going to be murdered by some driver. Don’t they deserve a monument?

And when I see a dead deer on the road I can barely contain myself. It’s a good thing I don’t drink because that’s enough to make me want to down a lot of liquor.

Many years ago my favorite aunt told me I was too soft and I was going to have to harden up.

Well I have. I can kill a fly without any remorse. I can even step on a spider. OK if it’s too big of a spider I need help. I don’t like killing squishy things.

My mom was tough as nails. She would take the back of her hand and smack any bug flying or crawling without as much as a cringe.

Mama live through the Second World War. She wasn’t in it but she had to do her part, which all Americans did during the ‘40s. They did without. They didn’t have much to begin with. She and her two sisters slept in the same bed. And they all lived to talk about it.

I wonder what mom, and her two sisters, my aunts, would think about spending money on a monument for lobsters. They’re probably rolling in their graves just thinking about what I’m writing about.

All this talk about lobsters is making me hungry. I haven’t had one in years. I think I’ll have to change that this weekend. But I won’t be cooking it. I can tell you that.