The Eyes Have It

So I just passed another milestone. I thought I was done with them. Grandma, Medicare, retirement and 70.

What else was left? Cataracts! Everyone said they were a piece of cake. I’ll take cake any day. 

Due to Covid there were very few surgeries during the past year. This was especially true for non life threatening and outpatient type procedures. This did give the surgery center either time to hone their craft or budget cuts forced them to attempt to be much more efficient. The jury is very much deliberating on whether or not it worked. 

By the time I got in there for surgery it was like an assembly line. They wheel you in like cattle for the slaughter. I probably could’ve gotten McDonald’s hamburgers 10 times faster. I don’t eat hamburgers anymore but I could of. 

The waiting room looked like the betting area at the horse races. People were probably betting whether or not anyone would make it out in one piece. 

Let’s talk about the procedure. When I met with the doctor and his crew I felt like I was buying a new car. We have lots of options. You start off with the basic which is covered and then you go up from there! $1000 increments. Now most people have two eyes so that’s $2000. I have never been one to like all the bells and whistles. More to break. Like when I had to give up my roll down windows in the car, well just don’t ask.  But since your eyes are the window to your soul, and I must not have a soul because I have nasty thoughts, it was time to move forward. 

First let’s talk about the nurses. They had to put seven drops in each eye before surgery, in rapid style fashion. Then they yell at you because you can’t keep your eyes open. There should be a law against taking advantage of seniors. I yelled back but it didn’t do me any good. 

Then they told me that it was a six minute surgery. And why was I there for 2 1/2 hours? The first time I was overmedicated because they gave me something for my dizziness. I slept for two days it was wonderful. The next time they wouldn’t give me so much, unfortunately. 

Much to my dismay, when I got home I realized we were living in filth! I am surprised my mom didn’t jump out of her coffin at the cemetery to yell at me. The bathroom was filthy and I clean it daily. I saw an old stack of my youngest son’s report cards. Good grief. 

I saw spots in my clothes that resembled those worn by my late mother and aunts! My skin looked so wrinkled and my face was so old looking. I want to sign off now because I have to get some skin cream and price a facelift. And find somebody to clean the filth we are all living with.