Older and Better with Shelly

 Do you know who Libby is? I thought it was a can of pears.   Then I heard people talking about reading Libby‘s books!   So I thought this Libby has a lot of books and she’s lending them out to everybody!  How does she keep track of them?  And how much money does she have to be able to buy all those books anyway?   So I’m not a tech person as you figured out.   Having said that, I finally found out that Libby is actually the name of the club at the library. It’s pretty exclusive too. You have to have a library card to get in.   Then they give you codes, and you give them codes.  Then they give you numbers. So already I’m confused but I jotted down everything in my notes.   I joined Libby through my iPhone which is another issue but my husband took care of it. So now I have a little icon on my iPhone that is the logo for Libby. Yes, she has her own logo.  I think I should have my own logo too.   ...

  We may be the only country in the world with its entire leadership under quarantine. We haven’t been number one in the world in anything. But we are now. Laughingstock of the world. So now let’s get down to business. The White House has to be shut down and fumigated. Do they do it from top to bottom? What about the bunker ? Do they give the project to a Republican   company or one owned by Democrats? I wonder if they can find a coupon with a discount. Will everything now have to be dry cleaned and shampooed? What about the kitchen and all the food in the freezer? All because a certain number of people that live and/or work there would not follow CDC proto calls or wear a mask. The president should have to pay for his White House to be fumigated.  I think they need to have a Covid hospital just for the White House infected people. Is Rikers Island available? Send them there.

So we’re in the middle of a pandemic, rioting all over the United States, and the Republicans and Democrats waging their own war. So here on the home front we have a battle of our own. Flies, mosquitoes, fleas, larva, bees, wasps and moles Let’s not forget the deer that like to eat my plants and vegetables. And there are the spiders. We get those every year. Years ago when I had my house sprayed for bugs the technician would always ask me what I had in the house. The first thing I would say is spiders. He said it doesn’t work for that. I would list a couple other things like flies and mosquitoes. Again I was told it doesn’t work for that. I decided he doesn’t work for me anymore. So in 50 years of having kitties we never had one with fleas. They’re not outside cats and I wouldn’t know a flea if I saw one.  I guess if my cats were itching that would be my first clue.  Well they were and they do have fleas.  2020, the gift that just keeps on giving.    ...

  Don’t get caught with your pants down.  Its not often you see a full moon in the daytime but that is exactly what just happened here.   I really didn’t think that there were a lot of nudist colonies out there.  I thought it was just in the movies.   So this man was in a nudist colony in Berlin at what has now been renamed Swine Lake.   It’s  where he encountered a wild boar who took off with his bag containing his computer and other valuables.  Her two piglets went with her. They feasted on a pizza in the bag (hope it was not a bacon pizza ewww)  and were looking for dessert I think.   I didn’t  know Germans liked nudist colonies.   He was sunbathing in the nude which is called free body culture.   I didn’t know Germany had wild boars either. Boars have been seen in the countryside and subdivisions along the outskirts of Berlin. They have actually become increasingly more common.   So the guy...

Warning this may not be suitable for your children to read. Since there is a toilet paper shortage Americans are rushing out to buy a bidet. Makes sense. Tushy (no joke) is one of the many manufacturing companies of the bidet. The pandemic has been their dream come true. They have been waiting for something like this for years. The US has not been interested in buying these like many other countries. We do not have water problems here. But the toilet paper issues have made many look for another solution. They are not expensive and there are many models to choose from. A crap load of them. Speaking of that I did a little research. They look a little confusing to me. First you have to learn the etiquette. Certain things you have to do before using them. It’s a little icky to go on from here so I will let you do your own research. Then you have to stand in a certain position and keep that position while you use it. If you have a bad back or bad hip I am not s...

This run on toilet paper is a real pain in the butt. Not too long we almost ran out of toilet paper. I was hysterical. As the only female in the house it was a definite necessity. I now have one of those large toilet paper holders in my bathroom. It can hold six double large rolls. No flimsy stuff allowed, you have to use half a roll at a seating if you know what I mean. My sensitive skin is another issue. I don’t want the stuff that feels like sandpaper. I guess I am a princess, a toilet paper princess if you will. Believe me I’ve been called worse. As Americans toilet paper is one of our most essential items besides heating and air conditioning. Oh, and I guess food. These idiots that are hoarding toilet paper have probably bought enough for their lifetime, and for everybody else in their neighborhood. What are they thinking? So while I’m writing this I guess we should just pass judgement whether the toilet paper should be over the top or under t...

So you kids think this Coronavirus is the “Boomer Remover”? This is not a joke. Listen you little snotty nose rug rats. Who do you think wiped your butt when you pooped in your pants and your parents were busy? Who gave you money every time you were short or even when you weren’t just because we loved you? Who gave you money for your first car, your first bike, your first anything? We didn’t have any of those things. We wouldn’t even think about asking for those things when we were kids. Think about all the money we’ve given you towards those ridiculous video games that you keep buying like their popcorn. We spend good money on them and you discard or lose them within days or weeks. So little "poopers" did you get the message yet? The boomers are not going anywhere. We taught your parents most everything they know and gave them the opportunity for a good education so they could raise you little killjoys. You blame us for the environme...